Things are getting pretty serious. Not only am I feeling things that I never have until this point in my life, I am also going deeper on a commitment level. I have truly invested more of myself into Emily than I have to my best friends - that is something I never that I would say, let alone be actually true! But it is, and Emily has invested a lot of herself into me as well which I greatly appreciate. Yet, there is an end to this rabbit hole we have been traveling down.
We eventually do reach a limit to where our fledgling electronic relationship meets a deepening road block. It is impassable? No way. But I really do think that until we meet each other in person in St. Louis we won’t be able to get pass it. We obviously want to be together, but at this point in our relationship I think it is more of a need than a want. Which is why I am ecstatic we will get to spend several days together this month in St. Louis. As it is now, we find ourselves staring at each other on Skype because that is the best we can do right now. Do I want to reach my hand out and brush her bangs out of her face - you bet! But if I try, my fingers simply bump up against the computer. So close, and yet so far far away.
I really do admire Emily for her spot in our relationship. And she will admit it that she is the one that is away. She is not a bad person for it, but the distance is in fact there. Wanting to be together has to be a lot harder for her than it is for me. I am not the one that has to face the tough choices of what it would mean to get back home before my well laid out plan. I’m not the one that has to determine whether or not to hastily finish a chapter of my life just to start another. And I’m not the one that is in the circumstance where it is easy to feel guilty and want to people please. Worst of all for me, there is nothing I can do (relatively speaking) to help Emily with her spot in this whole long distance thing.
That may be where my admiration for her comes from. That is, in the sheer fact that I have full confidence she will “make the right choice when the smoke clears away.” (As I told her already). We both had an expectation of who the person is going to be that we would end up with. Luckily for me, whichever choice she makes at this point she has already passed my “independent/confident” requirement with flying colors! In fact, she has passed all of my wants/expectations easily and then some.
I already have a lot more topics I want to blog about. Such as: how my worship relationship with God has matured since meeting Emily, understanding words with romantic themes more, and even how our real relationship with God is very much like a long distance relationship where the 2 shall soon meet and not have to worry about being separated by so many obstacles any more.
We’ll see how this GIBBORIS blog evolves, in the meantime - time to burrow farther down the rabbit hole.
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