In just two short weeks, I will be on a plane back home. It seems difficult to believe.
I was feeling a bit strange about it today. Obviously, my life is going to change in so many ways once I leave. And while I'm completely excited to go back and start spending more time with Andy, my family and my friends, I'll be leaving a life here. I've become quite used to it, and even though I'm going to something so great, it's hard to imagine what it will be like when this isn't my life anymore. As my very wise sister-in-law Sarah said, "It's not a choice between good and bad, it's a choice between better and best."
God was ready for it, though, because a plan set in motion about a week ago came to fruition today, just when I needed it. Andy suggested that we make a photo record of the things we do each day, places we go, people we see. He posted his today, and I was able to see all the things that I'll be a part of (or at least potentially be a part of) when I get back. An impromptu lunch at Spring of Life, making a trip to QT, pranking Jason's car... those are all things that I can do in a couple weeks. I got to see Andy with my adorable nephew, and know that someday soon I could be in that picture too.
As sad as I am to leave London, going to home to things like this is going to be amazing. I'm still trying to secure a job (or at least an interview) for when I get back, but I have complete faith that I'll get the right opportunity right when I need it. God has always arranged things according to amazing timing, even if I can't see it right then, so I just have to trust that He's going to do the same here. What matters is that I will be home, and the rest will fall into place.
I just finished reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and I really liked it. It centred around following your heart and reading the signs that are given to you in life to realise your destiny. While it doesn't reference God in a specific way, I decided to insert His name for most of it. There was one passage in particular that I read at least three times:
It required no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time. What the boy felt at that moment was that he was in the presence of the only woman in his life, and that, with no need for words, she recognized the same thing. He was more certain of it than of anything in the world. He had been told by his parents and grandparents that he must fall in love and really know a person before becoming committed. But maybe people who felt that way had never learned the universal language. Because, when you know that language, it's easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether it's in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one's dreams would have no meaning.
Thoughts like these are getting me through the next couple of weeks. I just hope I stay grounded enough to appreciate what's happening the present, as well.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Speechlessness
Great post Emily, mine is pretty long too!
I have been going through many similar thoughts as Emily has in terms of 'unworthy.' Of course, I feel unworthy of God's love - but at the same time, who am I to place the value on love that only belongs to the creator himself?
As for my relationship with Emily, I definitely feel like I am not worthy of her most of the time. In fact, she calls me out on it. I think for me I am battling the "Ugly Duckling," syndrome. As an adolescent and even into my first year of College I was pretty overweight. For those of you who know my history, you know it was because I was constantly on medical steroids treating my asthmatic symptoms that have a major side effect of weight gain. So yes I wasn't what you would call 'hot' as a teenager.
But these feelings of inadequacy that I battle extend pass just appearances. In the environment I grew up I had positive and negative influences - just like anyone else. Except in many aspects how I placed myself in my worldview was greatly scarred. I grew up around drug dealers, criminals, hard-hearted people and constantly in the presence of those that some would consider the scum of the earth. Do I hate or regret them? No, in fact I have feelings of compassion for them now. When I was a teenager, oh yeah, but not now.
Because of hanging around those people I assumed I would adopt more or less their live stories. In that world that my parents dragged me in to, there was no "true love" between couples. There were no signs of affection that didn't have at least one string of manipulation attached. What I did see in abundance was a multitude of people settling for less. And since I didn't have that great of a self image to start off with, the less than me person I would end up with was practically a nightmare. That was then.
But now we're in the present and you think that would be gone, right? "Andy is more mature now and has surrounded himself in a much better environment. Not to mention he has gone from an ugly status to an okay-looking image, so that has to clear everything up .... right?"
Maybe somewhat and yes I have a healthy self image. But when it comes right down to it, Emily leaves me speechless. So much so that I can't even think of a great enough man that can deserve Emily, let alone having her be a settling option. And yet here I am in a relationship with her not knowing how to adequately display my love for her. I really struggled with this speechlessness this last weekend and so to the best of my ability I funneled my creativity into communicating a snippet of my love for her via a video.
First Tangent Video:
Our lives are going to change in so many ways after December 11th. I think by then this speechlessness will turn into something else. For instance, we will no longer be in a "long-distance" relationship. Duh, no-brainer! So a lot of the E-mailing and chat will subside. The vlog will probably disappear all together because of how incredibly obsolete it will become. Last but not least is the blog that you are reading from right now. Emily and I are already discussing how we will be changing the direction of it. We don't know for sure, but I guarantee that the quality of communication will greatly increase along with clarity. When we are together we can simply show how much we love each other by doing things for each other like surprise scavenger hunts, shouting "I love you" in a public/crowded place, helping the other with a chore, and the list goes on and on.
In the meantime, I'm left speechless. I've seen her, held her, kissed her, and made videos about her - yet still it almost feels like a fairy tale.
Do I believe in love? Yes. Do I believe love is something worth waiting for? Yes. Do I believe under no circumstance should you ever settle for something less than true love. Yes.
I don't recall if I've ever shared this story on the blog, but here it goes:
Second Tangent Video:
Do I think I deserve Emily or that Emily deserves me? Well, I think that's the wrong question to ask because that's not what love is about. True love is not entirely deserved or earned.
The Bible tells us this about love in:
Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
1 John 4:16 "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."
Love is bigger than our ability to make sense of it. Love is not something you can earn like a merit badge. It's not a video game, it's real. No, it's more than real. In many ways it is divine. To the best of our knowledge, Love is only made available to humans and angels while the rest of creation is left out. God created the possibility for us to love each other.
For that, I am greatly appreciative and ... speechless.
Unworthy
Warning, folks: this is a long entry.
Andy loaned me the book Crazy Love before I came back from St Louis, and I finished it a few days ago. It was such an honest, open and matter-of-fact book that put things into really harsh perspective for me. Particularly poignant was the chapter entitled 'Profile of the Lukewarm'.
When I moved to Tucson for college, I made a conscious decision to take a bit of a break from church. At the time, my father was an Elder, my mom was working in the church office and earning her Master's degree from Fuller Seminary, and both my brothers and my future sister-in-law were going to Bible college... and then there was me: pretty sure I wouldn't be going into ministry and attending a public school. Needless to say, I felt a little out of place, and a bit like I didn't belong. None of them ever did anything to make me feel that way; my mind came up with all of it.
I did search for churches to go to (found a few crazy ones) when I got to Tucson, but my heart wasn't in it. I thought it would be much better to try life without church for a bit, then go back to that life knowing that it was a conscious decision, and not because it was a habit (which at the time is what it had become). I figured that I didn't need 'church' to keep up my spiritual life; I could still study the Bible and live the way I should. Little did I know that this is much harder than it seemed.
Sure enough, I wasn't spending time with other Christians, and it got easier and easier to skip a Bible study or two, or three. Then it became easier to let a few other things slip. Before I knew it, that short break didn't have a time limit. The problem was that it wasn't too much of a problem. I still knew that someday I would break out of this funk, so I continued on the way I was living. I got in a few tricky situations, made a few mistakes, and look back on them with regret. Even then, I knew things could be a lot worse, and that God was protecting me, despite my rebellion. But it still wasn't enough for me to change my life.
Right before I moved to England, I started to get back on track. I did a quiet time every morning, spent more time in prayer, and felt a lot better about things. That void I had been feeling ever since I made this decision was starting to fill. When I came to England, life started moving pretty fast. My course left me with little free time, and I wasn't really sure what church to go to anyway. I went to Hillsong a couple times because I had heard of it before and knew that the music would be good, but God still wasn't a priority, so I didn't really try very hard to go every week. Pretty soon, I was back in the same type of life that I had started living.
At this point, I convinced myself that I was okay because I knew the main things I'd never let slip (mainly saving myself for marriage) and thought I could be a bit more relaxed about the rest. I wasn't too bothered that I didn't go to church or spend time reading the Bible; as long as I was still living a pretty good life compared to everyone else, praying sometimes and not having sex, I was probably in good shape, right?
Wrong.
This way of living still landed me in a few situations that I never thought would happen, and I came closer than I ever thought I would to losing the one thing that meant most to me.
And now, after that long history, here's why it's relevant to the blog.
One thing I've always wanted since I can remember is to get married. Every time someone quoted Psalms 37:4 ('Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart') I thought about being married; that was my desire. Having never been in a serious relationship, I was starting to feel a bit lonely. I kept wondering when God was going to put that someone in my life. Every time I prayed about it, though, I immediately thought of the state of my spiritual life. How could I be asking God for something like this when I was like this? I had definitely been looking in the wrong places, and didn't have a group of Christian friends in which I could meet someone who fit the bill. I could hear God trying to get me out of the funk, but I felt like I didn't know where to start.
Every so often, my beautiful, wonderful sister-in-law Sarah would tell me about a new guy she met that would be perfect for me, and that I should move back home to meet him and get married. So when she started talking about Andy, I was definitely interested to see what he was like. Plus, Eric and Sarah's approval of whoever I marry is really important to me, so the fact that he came recommended was definitely a good sign. But when I heard that he was a pastor, I got really nervous.
I was pretty sure that pastor's wives had to be some kind of superhero. And I don't mean that as a joke: I thought it must be really difficult at times, and that being an amazing woman of God must be a prerequisite. At this point, I instantly felt that I was not good enough for him. Here I was, a very mediocre and lukewarm Christian who had made a lot of mistakes after her deliberate break from God. How could I possibly be what he had in mind for someone to date or marry?
When I told Andy about this, he quickly assured me that it wasn't true. I started feeling a bit better, but still that I had such a long way to go before I was at the level he would need me to be. During our Skype dates, he started encouraging us to pray together, sharing Scripture and a lot of other things that I had not done on my own in a long time. When we spoke about it later, Andy told me that he could sense that I needed a bit of spiritual leadership, and this was about the time when I started feeling less hopeless. Yes, I had made mistakes and my relationship with God was not where it should be, but I could change that.
Then Andy made a comment about how meeting me had changed the way he prayed, and at first I wasn't sure what he meant. Then one day, I was just walking down the street and started thinking about everything God had done for me. When I look back on it all, He had His hand in everything. Not just getting me where I am today (academically, professionally, geographically) but the fact that He never left me, even when I was intentionally misbehaving. And now, I have Andy. The one prayer I have had my whole life has been answered, and in such an amazing way.
The penny dropped: this is yet another blessing of which I am completely unworthy. As Francis Chan says, "This is the God we serve, the God who knew us before He made us. The God who promises to remain with us and rescue us. The God who loves us and longs for us to love Him back. So why, when we constantly offend Him and are so unlovable and unloving, does God persist in loving us?"
So when I read the 'profile of the lukewarm', I found myself reading a description of my life for the past few years. I felt totally convicted. At the end of the chapter, Francis writes, "We are all messed-up human beings, and no one is totally immune to the behaviors described in the previous examples. However, there is a difference between a life that is characterized by these sorts of mentalities and habits and a life that is in the process of being radically transformed."
I don't want my life to be characterised by those mentalities any longer. I'm going to stop waiting for myself to snap out of it and think that it will somehow happen itself and take the initiative.
Matthew 7:7-8 says "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will be find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
Each of those instructions require action on my part. Time to get moving.
Andy loaned me the book Crazy Love before I came back from St Louis, and I finished it a few days ago. It was such an honest, open and matter-of-fact book that put things into really harsh perspective for me. Particularly poignant was the chapter entitled 'Profile of the Lukewarm'.
When I moved to Tucson for college, I made a conscious decision to take a bit of a break from church. At the time, my father was an Elder, my mom was working in the church office and earning her Master's degree from Fuller Seminary, and both my brothers and my future sister-in-law were going to Bible college... and then there was me: pretty sure I wouldn't be going into ministry and attending a public school. Needless to say, I felt a little out of place, and a bit like I didn't belong. None of them ever did anything to make me feel that way; my mind came up with all of it.
I did search for churches to go to (found a few crazy ones) when I got to Tucson, but my heart wasn't in it. I thought it would be much better to try life without church for a bit, then go back to that life knowing that it was a conscious decision, and not because it was a habit (which at the time is what it had become). I figured that I didn't need 'church' to keep up my spiritual life; I could still study the Bible and live the way I should. Little did I know that this is much harder than it seemed.
Sure enough, I wasn't spending time with other Christians, and it got easier and easier to skip a Bible study or two, or three. Then it became easier to let a few other things slip. Before I knew it, that short break didn't have a time limit. The problem was that it wasn't too much of a problem. I still knew that someday I would break out of this funk, so I continued on the way I was living. I got in a few tricky situations, made a few mistakes, and look back on them with regret. Even then, I knew things could be a lot worse, and that God was protecting me, despite my rebellion. But it still wasn't enough for me to change my life.
Right before I moved to England, I started to get back on track. I did a quiet time every morning, spent more time in prayer, and felt a lot better about things. That void I had been feeling ever since I made this decision was starting to fill. When I came to England, life started moving pretty fast. My course left me with little free time, and I wasn't really sure what church to go to anyway. I went to Hillsong a couple times because I had heard of it before and knew that the music would be good, but God still wasn't a priority, so I didn't really try very hard to go every week. Pretty soon, I was back in the same type of life that I had started living.
At this point, I convinced myself that I was okay because I knew the main things I'd never let slip (mainly saving myself for marriage) and thought I could be a bit more relaxed about the rest. I wasn't too bothered that I didn't go to church or spend time reading the Bible; as long as I was still living a pretty good life compared to everyone else, praying sometimes and not having sex, I was probably in good shape, right?
Wrong.
This way of living still landed me in a few situations that I never thought would happen, and I came closer than I ever thought I would to losing the one thing that meant most to me.
And now, after that long history, here's why it's relevant to the blog.
One thing I've always wanted since I can remember is to get married. Every time someone quoted Psalms 37:4 ('Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart') I thought about being married; that was my desire. Having never been in a serious relationship, I was starting to feel a bit lonely. I kept wondering when God was going to put that someone in my life. Every time I prayed about it, though, I immediately thought of the state of my spiritual life. How could I be asking God for something like this when I was like this? I had definitely been looking in the wrong places, and didn't have a group of Christian friends in which I could meet someone who fit the bill. I could hear God trying to get me out of the funk, but I felt like I didn't know where to start.
Every so often, my beautiful, wonderful sister-in-law Sarah would tell me about a new guy she met that would be perfect for me, and that I should move back home to meet him and get married. So when she started talking about Andy, I was definitely interested to see what he was like. Plus, Eric and Sarah's approval of whoever I marry is really important to me, so the fact that he came recommended was definitely a good sign. But when I heard that he was a pastor, I got really nervous.
I was pretty sure that pastor's wives had to be some kind of superhero. And I don't mean that as a joke: I thought it must be really difficult at times, and that being an amazing woman of God must be a prerequisite. At this point, I instantly felt that I was not good enough for him. Here I was, a very mediocre and lukewarm Christian who had made a lot of mistakes after her deliberate break from God. How could I possibly be what he had in mind for someone to date or marry?
When I told Andy about this, he quickly assured me that it wasn't true. I started feeling a bit better, but still that I had such a long way to go before I was at the level he would need me to be. During our Skype dates, he started encouraging us to pray together, sharing Scripture and a lot of other things that I had not done on my own in a long time. When we spoke about it later, Andy told me that he could sense that I needed a bit of spiritual leadership, and this was about the time when I started feeling less hopeless. Yes, I had made mistakes and my relationship with God was not where it should be, but I could change that.
Then Andy made a comment about how meeting me had changed the way he prayed, and at first I wasn't sure what he meant. Then one day, I was just walking down the street and started thinking about everything God had done for me. When I look back on it all, He had His hand in everything. Not just getting me where I am today (academically, professionally, geographically) but the fact that He never left me, even when I was intentionally misbehaving. And now, I have Andy. The one prayer I have had my whole life has been answered, and in such an amazing way.
The penny dropped: this is yet another blessing of which I am completely unworthy. As Francis Chan says, "This is the God we serve, the God who knew us before He made us. The God who promises to remain with us and rescue us. The God who loves us and longs for us to love Him back. So why, when we constantly offend Him and are so unlovable and unloving, does God persist in loving us?"
So when I read the 'profile of the lukewarm', I found myself reading a description of my life for the past few years. I felt totally convicted. At the end of the chapter, Francis writes, "We are all messed-up human beings, and no one is totally immune to the behaviors described in the previous examples. However, there is a difference between a life that is characterized by these sorts of mentalities and habits and a life that is in the process of being radically transformed."
I don't want my life to be characterised by those mentalities any longer. I'm going to stop waiting for myself to snap out of it and think that it will somehow happen itself and take the initiative.
Matthew 7:7-8 says "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will be find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
Each of those instructions require action on my part. Time to get moving.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Toxicity
"A Whole New World, a new fantastic point of view...." Yes, I am quoting the Disney movie Aladdin. Not necessarily because I like the song but because in many aspects those lyrics, "A whole new world," adequately describe something new in my life. I've underwent a major perspective shifter, worldview changer, and heart lens switcher.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9GkwJQllAM
I really do look at the world in a different way. I look at situations as scenarios that Emily and I could experience together. I day dream what it would be if I had Emily to go a do something with after I got done doing what I was doing. When I see something romantic, either in real life or video, I know what that really is like. Maybe it was because the hugging, holding of hands, and kissing was so intense for me. Or maybe it was the sheer fact that physically being with Emily has given me a constant in my life that forces me to look at my world by pivoting from that location.
To make my blog posts more interactive, I've decided to start adding tangent videos. They will usually be around 1-2 minutes long that add to what I am saying in a way that can only be spoken and not written. In other words it will be a hybrid of a blog and a vlog. Here is the first:
(Technical Difficulties, I have to upload these videos on Youtube because blogger is being difficult)
With that said I progress to my next flow of thought which is what I kind of got around to telling Emily in my last email to her. Basically, we are going to fight off any chance of leading a half life. What a "half-life" means is having our daily lives in our respective cities working and then in our spare time glued to a computer screen eeking out whatlittle communication we can with each other. Emily only has 5 more weeks in one of the most amazing cities in the world and I want her to enjoy. On the other side of the coin I am here in AZ with a full-time job as well - not to mention way behind in online course work because of foot surgery and strep throat! Although it pains me to say this, maybe long distance relationships aren't as great as what I have painted them to be.
In fact, lengthy extended periods of separation are not good for any relationship, including our relationship with God. Sure different couples can have more stamina in terms of separation than others. But there comes a point when the distance itself creates a void that can't be filled. I can't take care of Emily when she is sick and vice versa. She can't hug me whenever she feels like it. We can't go to each other for meaningful comfort when we've had a bad day. To be down right honest; a long distance relationship has the potential to be toxic. If not watched carefully, than a half life begins. And not just a half life in the sense of a divided life between work and the computer. But also a half-life in that the quality of life is also diminished. I don't want that toxicity for Emily and I.
What do I mean by that? Second Tangent Video:
Whoa there, calm down. I don't mean: I don't want a long distance relationship with Emily. What I mean is I don't want to lead a half-life relationship with Emily. I don't want that element of toxicity to diminish the quality or our relationship and our lives. I love Emily too much for that.
So with that said you should pick-up that our future blog posts will be coming from a pure and refined long distance relationship. Facebook hit-and-run posts = yes. Emails = yes. Blog & Vlog = yes. But no chat and no Skype (the main ones).
Please pray for us as we dominate some Fukagawa Toxicity.
Back in the city
Apologies for the delayed blog go to my few, but faithful, readers.
After coming back to London, I was on a high for about a week. Just thinking about that weekend in St Louis and how amazing it was to actually spend time with Andy kept me in a goofy-smiled stupor pretty much all the time. Most of the time, I'm annoyed that things get in the way of thinking about him. The problem is that most of those things are important, like work, for example. As I was already ready to leave the job, it's been tough sometimes when this is what gets in the way. But knowing that I'll be home in a short while has made it much easier to go about my day.
Then there's the time difference. When I'm at work, he's sleeping. When I'm off work, he's at work. When he's off work, I'm sleeping. Fridays and Saturdays are our major relief and possibly the only thing keeping us sane. Before St Louis, it was the anticipation of meeting for the first time that made the countdown frustrating. Now, however, I find myself unable to wait for the time when I'll be able to see him so frequently. The time when we can make a plan in two minutes on a whim and it can actually happen. It's a great thing that we're both looking forward to.
The countdown has officially begun: five weeks from today (almost to the hour) I will be landing at Sky Harbor and racing through the terminal to meet Andy, the man who made it happen. We were skyping when he bought the plane ticket, and I can't remember ever feeling that way before. He is such a caring, thoughtful and amazing guy, and I can't wait to spend more time with him. I'm sure that the words I just used to describe him are only a cursory glance.
I have to echo something he said in his last post: I've never been in love either. I remember thinking that I was in love in high school. Looking back now, I can't even remember why I thought that, considering that I barely knew who I was and what it meant to say something so serious. But now, I'm absolutely sure about this one. I know that my love for him will grow deeper the more time we spend together. Now I just have to be patient until that time comes.
I think that if I had stayed for another year, what is starting between the two of us could have been very different. Of course, the intentions would have been the same, but I feel like our relationship has reached a certain point where it can't progress until we spend time together, and experience things together. I'm feeling extremely happy that we know when that will happen, rather than wondering when I'll be able to get time off work and buy the plane ticket home, etc., and all that just for a short visit. This is much better, indeed.
But before that comes the hard part: we have decided not to skype for the remaining time that I'm in London. Essentially, I want to ensure that I make the most of the time I have left here with my friends, and that will generally include dragging them out to museums and other sites I haven't yet seen. It will be bitter-sweet.
I'm so thankful and grateful that God has made all this possible. I've always been blessed in my decisions (whether I realise it or not) but this one takes them all. My life's biggest prayer has been answered, and is better than I could ever have imagined. I'm eternally grateful and will never fully understand why I deserve such a great man.
I'm also reading the book 'Crazy Love'. Once I've finished, my next post will summarise what I've learned about myself.
Until then; over and out.
After coming back to London, I was on a high for about a week. Just thinking about that weekend in St Louis and how amazing it was to actually spend time with Andy kept me in a goofy-smiled stupor pretty much all the time. Most of the time, I'm annoyed that things get in the way of thinking about him. The problem is that most of those things are important, like work, for example. As I was already ready to leave the job, it's been tough sometimes when this is what gets in the way. But knowing that I'll be home in a short while has made it much easier to go about my day.
Then there's the time difference. When I'm at work, he's sleeping. When I'm off work, he's at work. When he's off work, I'm sleeping. Fridays and Saturdays are our major relief and possibly the only thing keeping us sane. Before St Louis, it was the anticipation of meeting for the first time that made the countdown frustrating. Now, however, I find myself unable to wait for the time when I'll be able to see him so frequently. The time when we can make a plan in two minutes on a whim and it can actually happen. It's a great thing that we're both looking forward to.
The countdown has officially begun: five weeks from today (almost to the hour) I will be landing at Sky Harbor and racing through the terminal to meet Andy, the man who made it happen. We were skyping when he bought the plane ticket, and I can't remember ever feeling that way before. He is such a caring, thoughtful and amazing guy, and I can't wait to spend more time with him. I'm sure that the words I just used to describe him are only a cursory glance.
I have to echo something he said in his last post: I've never been in love either. I remember thinking that I was in love in high school. Looking back now, I can't even remember why I thought that, considering that I barely knew who I was and what it meant to say something so serious. But now, I'm absolutely sure about this one. I know that my love for him will grow deeper the more time we spend together. Now I just have to be patient until that time comes.
I think that if I had stayed for another year, what is starting between the two of us could have been very different. Of course, the intentions would have been the same, but I feel like our relationship has reached a certain point where it can't progress until we spend time together, and experience things together. I'm feeling extremely happy that we know when that will happen, rather than wondering when I'll be able to get time off work and buy the plane ticket home, etc., and all that just for a short visit. This is much better, indeed.
But before that comes the hard part: we have decided not to skype for the remaining time that I'm in London. Essentially, I want to ensure that I make the most of the time I have left here with my friends, and that will generally include dragging them out to museums and other sites I haven't yet seen. It will be bitter-sweet.
I'm so thankful and grateful that God has made all this possible. I've always been blessed in my decisions (whether I realise it or not) but this one takes them all. My life's biggest prayer has been answered, and is better than I could ever have imagined. I'm eternally grateful and will never fully understand why I deserve such a great man.
I'm also reading the book 'Crazy Love'. Once I've finished, my next post will summarise what I've learned about myself.
Until then; over and out.
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