Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Young Adult Life
Young Adult Life is the college age community I am a part of at my church which is a pretty legit group of people. We have a new page:
Monday, January 31, 2011
Conflicting Schedules (A Random Blurb)
"It's almost 5:30, I'm still in the office, and I'm going to be here a while."
That quote can conjure up a lot of different feelings and perceptions depending on who is saying it and who is hearing it. For instance, that statement is true of me right now. But I'm not bitter from it and I don't resent the truth behind it. Yet, neither do I swell up with joy the fact that it's happening to me or the effects it implies for the rest of my day.
I say all of that to give you a snapshot of how my schedule has been adapting. Actually, it's not just my schedule, it is also Emily's that I want to talk about.
Emily and I went out for a really nice hike on Friday and had a good time overall this weekend. But right now the rest of the weeks to come looks like me working in the morning, afternoon, and early evening with Emily working in the afternoon to late evening. If we stick to our schedules as mandated by our tasks then we would never see each other until Friday and Saturday (Which thank God we both have those 2 days off).
In other words, our schedules conflict. So much so that in many regards it almost feels like we are doing the long distance deal all over again. We even commented on it this weekend that very observation.
But when it comes right down to it we can go out of our way and meet each other for lunch or I can creepily meet her in the morning before my day starts or equally creep her out by waiting for her at her place until she gets home from her closing shift. Even though our current schedule mash up isn't permanent, it's easy for it to be a bigger deal than it really is if we're so narrowly focused on seeing that other individual. Which we are.
Our four month anniversary is tomorrow and I know we'll still make it special, regardless of Scheduling Rivalry.
Friday, January 14, 2011
A Month, A Motivation, and A Monster
WHOA! It has been way over a month since we updated the blog and today ushers in the new age of "Far Away / Close to God." But before even getting to that --- Emily and I have been together in the same city for over a month now!!!! Seriously, it has been the best month of my life ~ no exaggeration and no apologies! I know for sure now that my life will never be the same. Oh sure, we have even more to go towards building our relationship, but I already feel like I have gone light years ahead of where I was back in August. So let me bring you guys all up to speed on the dealio.
Christmas happened and we survived it together thru three different family get-togethers. My best Christmas so far. I got her a Time-Turner gold necklace (yes like Hermoine) to symbolize not just our fan status of the world around Hogwarts but mainly because we don't have to worry about the difference in time anymore. I also got here an ESV study bible ~ what a Christian College student thing to do. She got me a killer watch, no cheap walmart watches that fall off after a couple of months, in fact I'm admiring it right now. She also got me what I've always wanted for a car: a steering knob. Redneck? Maybe, but I do love it!
In case you didn't hear, the new year came. On New Year's Eve we had a three person countdown with our matchmaker Sarah Voris. Then I went back to the church for an all-nighter for teenagers and the 2 girls went back to reading. As for this new year itself, I am greatly looking forward to 2011 and even 2012 before the world ends. Whoa, 2012 sounds like forever in the future considering this last month has been so amazing with Emily in it.
Motivation. If you don't know me very well then you should understand that if I have motivation to get something done ~ it's gonna happen. Everyone is different on how they approach living out their life goals, but when it comes to me I never risk losing in life due to ignorance, or not willing to take risks, or even being dealt a bad hand. No, what I use for a raw fuel in conjunction with the Holy Spirit is pure motivation. My last semester (Spring 10) on campus at Manhattan Christian College I was an RA, took 20 credit hours, worked almost full-time at a church 2 hours away, and preached at various churches several times a month. I did those things with a passion for excellency and was constantly refueled with motivation whenever I would accomplish a task.
Now I don't say this to bring honor and glory to myself. Because if I was able to do all those things out of my own abilities and discipline then my last semester (Fall 10) would not have looked the way it does. My college is small so I understand how my personal grades could have gotten leaked as they have been so I know this isn't news for some of you. I failed 2 of my 3 online classes. I bit off more than I could chew. Not more than God could chew thru me, just more than I alone could do it. This may not make since for a lot of people but I put a lot of stock in the power of the Holy Spirit of God and the motivation He can give us. This last semester I lost sight of that and thought, "Hey hey, look at me! Look at all that my hands have made. I'm superman and I don't need your help." Except I'm not superman and I do have a breaking point. So when I have all these things going on in my life I shut down. Literally I would set aside all day Friday and Saturday for school work and near the end of the semester I would end up staring blankly at an open Pages documents or an empty notebook. Paul may have said that he can do everything thru Him who gives him strength, but I would say that I can only do anything thru him who gives me strength.
I truly believe that God has empowered certain people like Paul to be all things to all people. Christians misreference that scripture all the time to console someone in their shortcomings, "Well Bob it's not your fault you never tried to tell Jim about Jesus because you can't be all things to all people." With the backing of the Holy Spirit some people can accomplish whatever God sets them out to do. I thought I was one of those people. But I'm not, maybe in the future when I've been thru more and have become more disciplined.
Which brings me to my monster. I only want to bring it up because I know if I do then I will continue to blog about it and think more thru it. We've all got a testimony and my monster has been born and nourished thru mine. I have a savior complex. Not like I want to make it too hard for people to get to Jesus, or I am addicted to telling people about Jesus. But I, in an unhealthy way, want to be a savior like Jesus. I grew up in a dysfunctional home and sometimes I lose my patience for people who complain about their mediocre family being an abomination because they don't function like an episode of "Leave it to Beaver." My parents are crystal meth users and drug dealers. My poor brother is inheriting my father's relentless rage and is adopting Navajo mythology while abadoning Christ. My mother is a manic bipolar with no desire to repent. And my God-fearing awesome Grandma is just now trying to stop her enabling habits. I want to save them, but I can't. Jesus can, but he won't force it on them if they aren't willing. Throw on to that distorted heap that I struggle with depression and being an unsuccessful savior is really counterproductive. The situation is a monster and I don't know if it can be destroyed, should be tamed, or will it die because of old age?
I need prayers. Sincere, genuine, and constant prayers. My whole family needs prayers. We've tried almost every thing even to the point one time that I thought maybe it needs to be solved with a physical approach. Didn't work and nothing else has because it hasn't touched the root of the matter. Our hearts. Because if there is no beauty after this beast I have to ignore it and flee from it completely. Metaphor Transalted: I have to cut myself off from my wayward parents lest they taint and corrupt my future family with Emily.
The stakes just got high, and I'm not going to lose Emily, myself, or God because of them.
Christmas happened and we survived it together thru three different family get-togethers. My best Christmas so far. I got her a Time-Turner gold necklace (yes like Hermoine) to symbolize not just our fan status of the world around Hogwarts but mainly because we don't have to worry about the difference in time anymore. I also got here an ESV study bible ~ what a Christian College student thing to do. She got me a killer watch, no cheap walmart watches that fall off after a couple of months, in fact I'm admiring it right now. She also got me what I've always wanted for a car: a steering knob. Redneck? Maybe, but I do love it!
In case you didn't hear, the new year came. On New Year's Eve we had a three person countdown with our matchmaker Sarah Voris. Then I went back to the church for an all-nighter for teenagers and the 2 girls went back to reading. As for this new year itself, I am greatly looking forward to 2011 and even 2012 before the world ends. Whoa, 2012 sounds like forever in the future considering this last month has been so amazing with Emily in it.
Motivation. If you don't know me very well then you should understand that if I have motivation to get something done ~ it's gonna happen. Everyone is different on how they approach living out their life goals, but when it comes to me I never risk losing in life due to ignorance, or not willing to take risks, or even being dealt a bad hand. No, what I use for a raw fuel in conjunction with the Holy Spirit is pure motivation. My last semester (Spring 10) on campus at Manhattan Christian College I was an RA, took 20 credit hours, worked almost full-time at a church 2 hours away, and preached at various churches several times a month. I did those things with a passion for excellency and was constantly refueled with motivation whenever I would accomplish a task.
Now I don't say this to bring honor and glory to myself. Because if I was able to do all those things out of my own abilities and discipline then my last semester (Fall 10) would not have looked the way it does. My college is small so I understand how my personal grades could have gotten leaked as they have been so I know this isn't news for some of you. I failed 2 of my 3 online classes. I bit off more than I could chew. Not more than God could chew thru me, just more than I alone could do it. This may not make since for a lot of people but I put a lot of stock in the power of the Holy Spirit of God and the motivation He can give us. This last semester I lost sight of that and thought, "Hey hey, look at me! Look at all that my hands have made. I'm superman and I don't need your help." Except I'm not superman and I do have a breaking point. So when I have all these things going on in my life I shut down. Literally I would set aside all day Friday and Saturday for school work and near the end of the semester I would end up staring blankly at an open Pages documents or an empty notebook. Paul may have said that he can do everything thru Him who gives him strength, but I would say that I can only do anything thru him who gives me strength.
I truly believe that God has empowered certain people like Paul to be all things to all people. Christians misreference that scripture all the time to console someone in their shortcomings, "Well Bob it's not your fault you never tried to tell Jim about Jesus because you can't be all things to all people." With the backing of the Holy Spirit some people can accomplish whatever God sets them out to do. I thought I was one of those people. But I'm not, maybe in the future when I've been thru more and have become more disciplined.
Which brings me to my monster. I only want to bring it up because I know if I do then I will continue to blog about it and think more thru it. We've all got a testimony and my monster has been born and nourished thru mine. I have a savior complex. Not like I want to make it too hard for people to get to Jesus, or I am addicted to telling people about Jesus. But I, in an unhealthy way, want to be a savior like Jesus. I grew up in a dysfunctional home and sometimes I lose my patience for people who complain about their mediocre family being an abomination because they don't function like an episode of "Leave it to Beaver." My parents are crystal meth users and drug dealers. My poor brother is inheriting my father's relentless rage and is adopting Navajo mythology while abadoning Christ. My mother is a manic bipolar with no desire to repent. And my God-fearing awesome Grandma is just now trying to stop her enabling habits. I want to save them, but I can't. Jesus can, but he won't force it on them if they aren't willing. Throw on to that distorted heap that I struggle with depression and being an unsuccessful savior is really counterproductive. The situation is a monster and I don't know if it can be destroyed, should be tamed, or will it die because of old age?
I need prayers. Sincere, genuine, and constant prayers. My whole family needs prayers. We've tried almost every thing even to the point one time that I thought maybe it needs to be solved with a physical approach. Didn't work and nothing else has because it hasn't touched the root of the matter. Our hearts. Because if there is no beauty after this beast I have to ignore it and flee from it completely. Metaphor Transalted: I have to cut myself off from my wayward parents lest they taint and corrupt my future family with Emily.
The stakes just got high, and I'm not going to lose Emily, myself, or God because of them.
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